Linstead Christmas Gone Wrong
by Iluvtvshows
Summary: Erin and Jay's first Christmas together doesn't exactly go well with a hospital visit in the lurks. Can they make it and overcome the situation together?
1. Chapter 1

Hank Voight wanted to make his pseudo daughter happy at Christmas, so he invited her boyfriend. even though he really didn't agree with their relation at the beginning he has grown to change his mind and knows that Jay is a good man and he knows that Erin really likes him, because she told him. that was his deciding factor in inviting the younger man who makes his little girl smile.

On Christmas Eve Eve, Hank invited Jay to come to Christmas Dinner at his house with Erin. Jay was quite astonished to get an invite but was ecstatic to be able to spend the day with his girlfriend after all. Hank told Jay to be there at about 9 am for Christmas breakfast. Jay readily agreed on the spot.

The unit had the day off for Christmas Eve, Erin and Jay spent the morning lounging in bed having a snuggle. Erin had let Jay see one of her vulnerable sides, she told how excited she was to spending Christmas with all of the most important people in her life. She had explained to him how shitty Christmases had always been for her. How no boyfriend had ever cared or loved her enough to get her anything or do something nice for her.

Erin didn't that Jay had a lot planned for their Christmas together, in fact he had been planning it for months and had the presents bought, wrapped and hidden for a while now. he wanted to make this the best Christmas Erin has ever had.

The couple had lunch together and then went for a nice long walk by navy peer, they strolled along holding hands, and Jay bought them each a ht chocolate with a candy cane for flavour. They spend the afternoon together and later reluctantly say goodbye because Erin is spending Christmas Eve with Hank and sleeping in her old room. They kissed goodbye and Jay promised to see her in the morning. Jay spend the night with his big brother, Will. Jay confides in Will that he wants to make tomorrow to be the best Christmas Day Erin has ever had. Will teases his brother about it but really knows how much Erin means to his brother.

In the early morning, Will bids his brother a Merry Christmas and a good day before heading to the hospital for his holiday shift in the ER. Jay is too excited to sleep, so goes for a run around Lake Michigan. He gets back to shower and make himself look good, before getting all of the presents that he got for Erin and her family into a duffel bag. All except for one box which he left under the tree for later that night when they got home. He headed to his car and put the duffel bag in the back seat of his car.

Jay was so happy while he was driving to Hank's house, he was singing along to the radio planning holiday songs. He was so close to Hank's house, when out of nowhere, a black SUV comes tearing into the drivers side of the car. Jay's last thought before loosing consciousness was Erin.

A bystander who witnessed the accident, immediately called for help and not long later a fire truck and ambulance showed up. The firefighters were from truck 51 including Matt Casey and Kelly Severide. Upon recognising the victim as Jay Halstead, they freed him from the car and let the paramedics, Gabby Dawson and Sylvie Brett get to work on Jay. Matt spotted the duffel bag of presents in the car and pulls it out. He walks over to the stretcher, where Jay is now conscious.

"Matt i need you in a little while to take that bag to Voight's house for me, it's everyone's presents for Christmas, I'm going to text Erin and tell her can't make it today because something came up, i don't want to worry her and i would rather she hate me than ruining her Christmas because I'm so stupid." says Jay as he takes out his phone and starts a text to Erin, he feels like an absolute jerk doing this but it's for the best reason.

"Jay I'd be happy to drop this off but wouldn't it just be easier to call Erin or Voight and tell them about the accident, I'm sure Erin would come straight to the hospital for you". says Matt.

"I know she would but Erin deserves so much better than that, I'd rather her be surrounded by her family than sitting in a crumby hospital with me all day. Please drop the bag off later and say I asked you to drop it off for me. Hank will likely call a call later about the accident because it involved someone from his unit, it will go down hill from there but I want to enjoy her day until then". says Jay.

"Ok I will drop this off for you but yo are definitely going to the hospital, and no arguing with Gabby, you do as she tell you", says Matt followed by a nod and mumbled thanks form Jay.

Gabby and Sylvie load the stretcher into the ambulance and are shortly on the way to the hospital.

At the Hospital

Jay is received at the hospital by Connor Rhodes, who is checking him over when his brother comes crashing in.

"Jesus Christ what happened to you, you look like shit", Will says looking at his brother.

"Well this is kind of what you look like after some idiot crashes into you at god knows what speed" Jay mutters unhappily.

"Did you call Erin and tell her what happened, is she on her way here already?", Will asks.

"No I didn't, I'm not ruining her Christmas having her sitting in a stupid hospital when I'm perfectly fine anyway", Jay told Will.

"Your not completely fine, you have a pretty serious concussion, and lots of bruising, you my friend are staying here overnight for observation, you could have some internal bleeding and or something else, you have at least one broken rib possibly more and they could puncture your lung at anytime", says Dr Rhodes.

"Fine i'll stay but Erin is getting her Christmas with her family with out having to worry about her stupid boyfriend who couldn't avoid getting ht by a car. Voight is gonna know soon enough because they eventually have to notify him and he will likely phone you to ask if i'm alive before telling her, i need you to tell him i'm fine, just some bruises, and that I want Erin to stay with her family and enjoy her Christmas. If she still wants to see me, she could come tomorrow and i'll probably lose the best thing that has ever happened to me", says Jay looking down.

"Ok if that's what you want, I will do it, I'll see you in a while upstairs," says Will, not believing Jay's theory about loosing Erin because of this, and if it is going to happy, Will plans to talk to Erin when she does come about it.

Earlier At Voight's House

Erin woke up feeling cosy, she couldn't wait to see her boyfriend for breakfast. She got up showered and dressed for the day. Erin headed downstairs to help Hank breakfast and set the table for 6 people. 9 am came and everyone was there except Jay. They waited but eventually had to start eating, Erin was worrying about him all through breakfast but she received a text from him saying that something had come up, that pissed her off. After that Erin was in a bad mood, except when she was playing with her nephew.

Hank however didn't believe that something had just come up, he has a feeling that something happened because he knows that Jay wouldn't just abandon Erin like, considering he knows what one of the Christmas presents for Erin is. Hank just waits to see if Jay will turn up.

A couple of hours later, still no sign of Jay or anymore texts. Erin is pissed but decides it's not worthy of getting pissed off at.

Hank hears the door bell, an goes to answer it thinking it might be Jay, Erin must maybe think the same as she comes up behind him, he opens the door to reveal one Matt Casey. Erin immediately turns back around and int the living room. Holding up a black duffel bag, Matt says "Jay asked me to bring this to you guys, he wanted to make sure you all got your presents".

"Is there is there any reason why it's you bringing this over and not Jay himself?", Hank asks.

"All I'm going to say is, you might want to call Will Halstead", Matt says as he hands the bag over and leaves.

Hank the bag into his office and is looking through it when his phone rings, he sees it's the Department, he answers right away with "What happened to my Detective".

"Hank, I'm sorry to have to tell you this but Halstead was in a car accident this morning, we suspect it was one of the cop crashes ones, i don't know he is but the car was wrecked, the firefighters say he was awake going the ambulance", Trudy Platt tells Hank over the phone.

Voight thanks Platt for the update and hangs up, know he calls Will Halstead because he has to know more of Jay's condition before he tells Erin about it. He dials the good doctors number and gets an answer on the second ring. After a lengthy conversation with the Doctor, Hank huffs out a big breath, this is something he is not looking forward to doing.

Hank calls Erin into his home office and gestures towards the duffel bag, and explains that it is from Halstead.

"He send the presents but where is the jerk, where's my important than right here", she asks.

"Erin, he's at the hospital, on the way over here this morning, Halstead was in a car accident, well not so much an accident but a crash" Hank explains.

Erin slowly covers her mouth with her hands and sinks to the floor, Hank gets down to and pulls her in for a hug.

"He is going to be fine Erin, Will says Jay has a lot bruises and a small knock to the head, their keeping overnight to monitor him but he is going to be fine.

"I have to go Hank, I doubted him, thought he was like everyone else I've dated, I should've better, he needs him and I was thinking the absolute worst thoughts about him. I should have had more faith in him", Erin says while crying.

"Will told me, Jay said he wants you to stay here with your family, he doesn't want to ruin your Christmas", Hank says gently.

"My boyfriend is lying in the hospital and I'm not supposed to go and see him, Jay is apart of my family and always will be", Erin whole heartedly explains.

"I know he is kid, why don't we eat, open Jay's presents and then maybe we can take him some dinner", Hank asks.

Erin nods and they got to get the dinner ready, 15 minutes later, the 5 of them are sitting down to eat their Christmas dinner. Erin only eats about half of her dinner to sad and worried about Jay to finish eating. Afterwards they move to the living room where Hank hands out the presents.

Erin is still sitting with about 6 presents in front of her, she looks at everyone else. Hank is admiring the gourmet kitchen knife set that Jay got him, Justin showing Olive the game tickets that Jay got for them while they are in Chicago and Daniel playing with the teddy bear and laying out the onzies that Jay got for him. Erin eventually excludes herself upstairs to open the presents that Jay got for her.

In the first box is some new lingerie sets that Jay bought for her, she had mentioned to him that she didn't have any sets just for him.

In the second box is a black hawks hoodie with her name and favourite number on the back, Erin is still surprised Jay even knows what her favourite colour is.

In the third box is a foam finger and two season ticket passes for the Black hawks up coming year. In with a note that says in case we actually have free time to go to a game or too, not that I don't enjoy watching it at home while cuddling on the couch.

In the fourth is the beautiful earrings that Erin had admired in a jewellery shop while on a case, she is surprised that remembered which ones she had liked.

In the fifth box is even more surprised to see that Jay had bought her the matching necklace to go with the earrings.

The sixth box with pretty flat and inside there was a note that says there is one more present too big to wrap that you have to wait for. Don't worry you wont be waiting for too long and I can't wait. Erin lies dwn on the bed and has a good cry into pillow.

Meanwhile At The Hospital

Jay has a massive headache when he wakes up and finds himself wishing that his girlfriend was with him. He gets s slight smile on his from just thinking of his beautiful Erin. All of a sudden he gets a sharp pain in his chest and struggling to breath. Machines around him start to go off and his brother comes running in.

"Wi-ill I c-can't b-breath" Jay wheezes out. "I-I n-eed you to tell Er-Erin that I l-ove her and I'm s-sorry".

"Jay stop talking like that we are taking you to surgery, Erin will be here later and you can tell her those things yourself, don't give you dare give up, I will not be the one to tell Erin that you died, you need to fight for her and me".

Will grabs an intubation kit that the nurse hands him because Jay has fallen unconscious and is not breathing, he inserts the tube and attaches the bag to breath for his brother. Dr Rhodes is here now and he rushes Jay up to the OR. Will can't go with so he decides to call Hank to get Erin here as soon as possible.

 _Hank is going to have to relay the bad news to Erin !_


	2. Chapter 2

Back At Voight's House

Hank just got off the phone after talking to Will, he knows the news that he has to relay to Erin is going to upset more than she already is but she deserves to know and the chance to be there for her boyfriend. So Hank makes the first move and heads up to Erin's room, where he sees his pseudo daughter daughter curled up in a ball lying on her childhood bed.

"Kid I need to talk to you, I just got off the phone with Will... ".

"What happened please tell me Jay is Ok, I can't live without him", Erin interrupts.

"Will said they had to take Jay up to surgery, he was having trouble breathing because they think his lung collapsed, Will didn't know anything yet but we need to get to the hospital for when Jay comes out of surgery and wakes up, he is going to want to see you and only you", Hank says.

"But what if he doesn't make it out of surgery, or maybe he wont wake up, what am I supposed to do, and it's my fault I wasn't there for him and he is always there for me, he has never given up on me. I don't know if you know anything about this but back when I was on my sabbatical, Jay was the one who kept reaching out to me, he tried phoning me everyday and he came to my apartment but I never answered his calls or opened the door. Then on the last day of the furlough that you put me on, I was just coming out of a club in the morning and he was there. He told me about the furlough, I just wanted him to leave so asked him what he wanted, he wanted to hear me say that we were no longer partners and I was throwing it all away, he wanted me to look him in the eyes. I didn't say it, but I blew him off, like it was so easy but it wasn't, I loved him even back then, and he was only trying to help but I wouldn't let him. Then that night Al called and said that Jay had been kidnapped and my heart stopped, my head was spinning, I knew it was my fault in the first place but I also knew that I owed it to him to have his back even if was a bit late. It took going through that for me to really think about it all, and afterwards I knew I had to stay clean not just for me but for Jay too, I knew the whole time that we would always be partners and I wanted to show Jay that I was worth the hassle and I don't even know if I am worth it, I let him down then and now by believing the worst of the best man I have ever dated and the only man I have ever fallen in love with", Erin cries out in a long speech.

"Kid, Halstead is one tough SOB, he is going to make it through this ordeal with flying colours and come back to you because you are more than worth the effort, you always have been, Bunny couldn't see that, but you know what I have always saw that from the first time I met you in the holding I've known that you were going to come become an outstanding young woman, you just needed a little support with that. I was willing to give you that support and Camille was too, she could see your potential and she told me. You've had a few bumps in the road but look your life now, your one of the best at your job, you have an amazing partnership and a boyfriend that loves you more than anything, it's mutual and I'm sorry to say that I never saw one coming. You've never connected with anyone like you have with Halstead and I'm proud of you for that and so much more", Hank says with some emotion.

"Hank I appreciate you trying to cheer me up and to some extent it has worked, I just have one thought, I don't know how Jay can love me, god knows I love him and it has taken me so long to admit that, I never told him that I loved him until about a week ago, I wish I hadn't have waited so long but I really don't know how such a good man like Jay can love someone like me, I mean I have caused him pain. I broke off our first relationship thing when you found out about it, I sided with my job and you over him, then after Nadia died, he was always there trying to help me, he kept telling me that he was there when I needed him and I pushed him away", Erin says a little mre calmly.

"Listen kid, I know you have doubts about your relationship and about receiving love from anyone, but I can also tell you that Jay Halstead without a doubt in mind loves you, I'm going to tell you something but just the start you will have to ask your boyfriend about the rest of it. Jay and I had a conversation, a serious one, it was a couple of weeks ago now, but i remember it very clearly and all I'm gonna tell you is the man who you love more than anything, feels the exact same way as you and another thing you can't mention to Jay is that the two of you have a little more in common than you realise, you thought he had a happy childhood but no one but him knows the truth. Don't hold onto the past and don't let him either, you both have things that no one knows about and maybe you could be each others confidant in that aspect, you don't have to rush into anything you both take your time and you will eventually get there", Hank tells Erin seriously.

They both are quiet on the ride to the Chicago MED.

At The Hospital

Pulling up outside Erin sprints inside, where she finds Will waiting for her in the ED, on the way upstairs to the surgical waiting area, Will explains exactly whats happened to Jay since this morning.

"So after the accident Jay was moved here where he was examined and diagnosed with a grade 3 concussion and 4 broken ribs, the ribs where wrapped up and he was monitored for the concussion, we were keeping him overnight to watch the concussion. Erin I'm really sorry that I didn't call you earlier, it's Jay ever since he came in didn't want me to contact you..."

"He didn't want me here with him, I don't blame you Will, it's not your fault", Erin interrupts him.

"No Erin that's not it at all, Jay wanted you beside him, he always does, but your happiness is more important to him than that, he didn't want to take you away from your family and ruin your Christmas Day just spending it with him in a hospital. He was trying to do what was best for you, he loves you so much and you didn't hear this from me but he was planning to take you on trip for New Years. He wanted it to be special for you", Will tells a crying Erin.

"I w-would have b-een happy anywhere today as long as I was with Jay", Erin stutters out.

"When Jay wakes up, I need you to reassure him that your not leaving him and you love him just as much as he loves you", Will tells Erin seriously.

"Of course I'm not leaving him, why are you saying that Will?" Erin asks.

"Listen it's nothing against you, I know your not going to leave and I told Jay that, this morning when I was trying to convince him to let me call you and for him to stay overnight, I asked him if he had called you yet and he said no that he wasn't ruining your Christmas having you sitting in a hospital with him, and he might have claimed that he was fine anyway".

"That sounds just like our Jay, and for the record when Hank told me earlier, I was ready to run out the door and break all speeding laws to get here to be with him, to be honest it wasn't the Christmas I wanted, yeah I wanted to spend it with Hank, Justin, Olive and Daniel, But the one person that I really needed to have there today was missing, and this morning when he texted me I thought the absolute worst of him, I was thinking that he was like every other guy that has disappointed and hurt me but I feel so horrible for thinking that because I know that Jay is nothing like any other guy and I should have had faith in him but I didn't and I'm honestly ashamed of myself. Now the only guy I have ever or will ever love and likely the only guy ever to love me back is in surgery fighting for his life", Erin says to Will who has a bit of a grin on his face.

"He most definitely is our Jay and always will be, I asked you tell assume of this things because earlier Jay said that you were getting your Christmas without having to worry about your stupid boyfriend who was stupid enough to get hit by a car, he had me tell Voight that he only had a few bruises and that he wanted you to stay with your family and enjoy Christmas. These were not my words but he also said that if you still wanted to see him you could come tomorrow but he was thinking negatively that you are going to leave him", Will tells Erin.

"Ok that is sweet but also incredibly dumb, yes I wanted to have Christmas with my family but that includes Jay, he is pretty much the biggest part of my family, present and future, OH MY GOD! please don't repeat that to anyone especially the afore mentioned person", Erin mutters cover her mouth with her hands.

"Don't worry little sis, your secret is safe with me, but for the record Jay thinks the same, you are the most important person in Jay's life, he's just scared, his exact words where "I'll probably lose the best thing that has ever happened to me". You honestly mean the world to Jay, Erin and we're both lucky, hopefully you will be apart of our family forever", Will lovingly tells Erin.

"I'm scared too Will but we will get through this the three of us together, actually make that four including Natalie, you guys are perfect for each other. And for the record, it would be an honour to eventually join your little family." Erin tells Will.

"Ok, your gonna make me cry, but just one more thing, Jay asked me to tell you something before he lost consciousness, I told him to tell you himself but for good measure, Jay told me to tell you, that he loves you and he's sorry", Will tells Erin gently and when she cries he pulls her into a tight hug.

The Pair sit down together to wait for news on the one man that draws them all together, Erin's boyfriend, Will's baby brother, neither one wants to lose Jay and they have work together to have faith and trust in one Dr Rhodes who is working to save the life of their loved one. Voight eventually joins the group, he had been on the phone to the rest of the unit alerting them to what happened with their team member and friend. All sending their love and hopes for a recovery. the promised to come visit in the morning.

Now it's just a big waiting game for the three people spending their Christmas night in the waiting area of a hospital.

 _Ahhh Do you Jay will make it? And where do you think he was planning to take Erin for New Years?_


	3. Chapter 3

Hospital Waiting Room

It has been hours since Erin and Hank arrived at the hospital, and the three where still waiting for news on Jay's condition. Erin and Will have been sitting together the whole time needing each others presence at the difficult time. Erin has cried so much that she wore herself out a little and is asleep on his shoulder.

Will is suddenly startled when Erin shoots up from his shoulder shouting Jay's name. Will takes her in his arms and she breaks down in uncontrollable sobs.

"Shh Erin your OK, it was just a dream, I've got you, it's gonna be OK", Will whispers trying to sooth the woman his brother is in love with.

"It was so real Will, I hated it, Jay died and it was my fault, I was crying and then all of sudden I was in the graveyard and there were two head stones one was Nadia's and the other was Jay's, I could save them and I was all alone, I didn't want to live and then I woke up, it was horrible, I can't lose him Will, it feels like I only just found him. Jay is my life", Erin admits quietly to Will when she has calmed down considerably.

"Hey none of this is your fault Erin, you couldn't have done anything about the accident this morning or him needing surgery, But you are going to be here to help him get better. You are not going to lose him, Jay loves you to much to leave you", Will tells Erin.

"Thanks Will, I will most definitely be there for and with him while he gets better, I just hope that I get the chance", Erin says sadly.

"Erin, I know for a fact that will happen", Will tells her stubbornly.

"Will not to disagree, but how could you know that?", Erin asks.

"Well for starters as I said before Jay is too stubborn and loves you so much, believe me, I know how much he loves you" at a look from Erin he says "I'll tell you some stuff later on. But for right now my second reason is Dr Rhodes is standing right over there and has a smile on his face", Will explains to Erin who immediately stands up and walks briskly over to the waiting Doctor.

"Please tell me Jay is alive and OK", Erin pleads.

"Jay made it through surgery, we patched up his lung and had to reconstruct the rib that pierced the lung, we also had to stabilise the other two broken ribs, he should make a full recovery but unfortunately, we had to place a chest tube because his lung collapsed before we could repair it. Right now we have Jay on a vent to give his lung time to heal without having to work, we also have him sedated so he doesn't injure himself more. Both of these measures are just temporary we will likely remove the chest tube tomorrow, maybe the vent the next day and we reduce the sedative for him to wake up", Dr Rhodes explains to an emotional Erin.

"Can I see him, I need to see him?", Erin asks, receives a nod in response.

"Of course, I'll take you and Will to see him right now".

"Kid, try and get some sleep, I'll be back in the morning", Hank says kissing her lovingly on the forehead.

Erin nods with a little smile and follows Dr Rhodes and Will through the corridors, into the elevator and up to the ICU. Rhodes tries to prepare her telling that Jay doesn't look like himself. he has a tube down his throat attached to the vent, a tube coming out of his chest, the side of the broken ribs, his arm is tied to his chest to immobilise the ribs. Jay is also covered in bruises from the crash. Erin nodded to all of this information, but so was not prepared to see her injured Boyfriend. Stepping in to the room, Erin's heart breaks further and she loses her breath as she sees her love for the first time in a little over twenty-four hours. She turns to the two men, "can he hear me?", she asks them. After receiving two nods she sits down and just looks at her unconscious boyfriend.

Will is pulled out of the way from the room. "Look I didn't want to tell Erin this because she looked so fragile and heartbroken but we lost Jay on the table, his heart stopped we got him back quite quickly but I thought you should know about it", Connor tells Will.

"How long before you got him back?", Will asks.

"It was honestly less than half a minute and his heart beat came back stronger than ever, it happened before we opened him up, it's like he just needed a boost", Connor explains to Will. "I'll have my pager home with me, if you need me just call, but otherwise I'll be back in the morning".

"Thanks man, I appreciate it really", Will sincerely tells Connor, who nods and leaves.

"Erin, I'm just going to check on a patient and clock out for the night, I'll be an hour at the most, will you be OK until I get back?", Will asks dipping his head in the ICU room.

"Yeah Will I'll be fine, take your time", Erin tells him. Will nods and walks away to do things.

Erin is sitting on Jay's good side, she grabs his hand in hers and squeezes it hoping for a reaction but doesn't got one.

"Jay I hope you can hear me, I need you to pull through this, because I can't lose you, we're supposed to have a future, it feels like just yesterday that we finally started to get our one day. For years, ever since my High School Reunion we've promised each other Maybe One Day, but we still haven't gotten that really and you can't leave me before then or after really because we've waited to long, we didn't even get our first Christmas Day together. But as soon as your well enough, we are going to my apartment, having our Christmas Day later than we planned but you are going to give me my presents and watch me open them and I'm going to give you your presents and watch you open them. One in particular is very important and I should have given you it already but I was scared as per usual to take that leap, but I'm not now, so hurry up and come back to me so I can ask you this question", Erin tells an unconscious Jay while she is crying.

She sits there holding and stroking the limp hand that belongs to her love. Thinking about their relationship over the years, when they became partners she wasn't very open to the thought of that, but when they met there was an instant connection. They earned each others trust by having the others back and saving them. It didn't take long for Erin to trust Jay on the job, they worked well together since day one and because of the instant connection, the could have a conversation by just looking into each other's eyes. With a good work relationship came a friendship, they had started to go out for drinks with the unit, then they eventually sided off and started having beer and pizza at one of their places while watching a Blackhawks or Cubs game on the TV. The banter had always come easy and Erin loves it, she loves everything about the relationship. The shift from friendship to something more indescribable came when Erin had to go to her High School Reunion and she asked Jay to pretend to be her fake Fiance, she came up with a whole back story but when it came to actually going, they got outside the place when Erin decided not to go so they went to a fancy restaurant instead and had dinner together. That was first time that Erin actually told Jay about how she knows Hank Voight, and some stuff about the mean girls in High School. Jay held her hand and they promised each other maybe one day. After that they were more flirty with each other. Erin is ashamed to think that it took her having to leave her job for them to make a move and start something. When she moved to the task force they started a relationship that they kept secret when she came back. But at the first sign that Voight knew something, Erin ended it. She thinks back and remembers Jay wanting to come clean to Hank but she was to scared to do anything, so it ended before it could really go anywhere. But she surmises that they were still always there for each other still had each others backs, it took awhile for them to hang out alone again after work but they made it work. And then she thinks about the parts that make her feel even more ashamed of herself and her actions. Nadia died and she took it really bad, Jay was still there, but she pushed him away just like everything else, leaving her job and falling down the rabbit hole. He kept trying to pull her out of the hole but she won't accept his help. The last time that he tried to get through to her could have been the last time she ever saw him, had it not have been for Alvin calling and telling her that Jay had been kidnapped. She is angry at herself that it took Jay being kidnapped for her to pull herself out of that hole and stay clean for hours so she could be the one to go in and save him. When she saw Jay all beat up and bruised, something inside her flared and she promised herself never to let anything happen to him ever again. She went to Hank, made the deal to come back, stay sober and cut ties with her mother. Throughout all of that Jay was still there for her as her partner and friend. There was a conversation between Hank and Jay that she doesn't know anything about, Hank ultimately gave Jay permission. And when Erin was more stable, the pair started again, Jay never told Erin about the conversation, but Erin just went with the whole thing, she never bothered about Hank. They had been a couple for a little over half a year and she is not ashamed in knowing that the last half year being him Jay has been the best half of a year in her life. Erin prays that she gets the chance to tell that piece of information to Jay.

An hour later, Will returns wearing normal clothes, he settles into a chair on the other side of the bed and takes a look at Erin, he knows she's is struggling a little.

"Whatya thinking about Linds, I can hear the gears turning in your head from over here", Will says jokingly trying to make Erin smile, it doesn't work.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking about the last time I saw Jay, it was only last night, Christmas Eve, we splitting up because I was spending it with Hank and he was spending it with you, I was running through our conversation and I can't remember whether I told him I love him or not", Erin admitted sadly.

"Erin, I know for a fact that you did, you know why, because you always do also because that night Jay told me, that those words are his favourites, I know that you both only said those words on Thanksgiving Day. Before you say anything, I made him tell me, I asked him why he was so happy, he didn't want to say anything, but I threatened him with something about you because I knew he would do anything for you, and so he told me. And that exact moment Jay was the old Jay that I remember from when we were toddlers, he was so over the moon happy, Erin and that was because you said those words. I know you said them last night because every time he's away from you before you part you each say those magical words and his face lights up like a Christmas time and stays that way for god knows how long".

"I love your brother, Will. But I have a regret right now, and it is that I waited until Thanksgiving to finally say the words that were in my heart for a while, they had been at the back of my heart since I first Jay, and little by little they started to come further out with each moment shared between us, but I was always too scared to say them out loud or even act upon them", Erin says kind of shyly.

Will wanted to continue the conversation but Erin put her head down on the bed still holding onto Jay's hand to try and get some sleep. Will got up and lay a blanket over the slumped woman. He then tried to get some sleep in his own chair.

The night was a restless one, with nurses coming in every hour to check on Jay and his vitals. So neither of the two got any proper sleep.

December 26th- Boxing Day

In the morning, Erin and Will were woken by an alarm, it was coming from the vent monitor, there was a problem with it. Will called for a nurse, they worked together to disconnect the vent, a bag was placed on the end of the endotracheal tube and Erin was in charge of squeezing it every 4 seconds?. she was concentrating on doing that, while Will and the nurse worked to fix the machine. When it was fixed it was quickly hooked back up to the endotracheal tube and the vent was breathing for Jay again. Erin and Will sat back down and were on alert for another problem but none came.

Hank arrived and sat with them, after calling the rest of the unit to inform them of the situation. In the afternoon, everyone came in to visit their injured friend and his loved one who seems so sad. They were all asked to wait in the waiting room however when Dr Rhodes came in, Will informed him of what happened with the ventilator earlier that morning, the doctor examined Jay and after listening to his lungs, he told Will they can remove the chest tube. So they carefully set to work removing the tube,

In the waiting room, Erin was pacing, she didn't want to leave Jay's side but apparently it was necessary for her to leave. She supposed that if it got Jay one step closer to being back with her, then she has to suck it up and be brave so to speak. After half an hour, Dr Rhodes came to speak to them.

"I just removed the chest tube and everything looks good so far. I want to give his lung a while longer to heal, so We will take him off the vent tomorrow, you can go back in now", he tells Erin.

"Thank you, is Will still in there?", she asks.

"Yes, Will is still there, I'm not sure about his shift, but he is still here for right now".

"OK, I asked because I have to go to the bathroom but I don't want to be alone", Erin says turning and heading to the nearest bathroom. When she comes out, Hank is waiting for her.

"Kiddo why don't you home, get a shower and maybe some sleep, come back refreshed", he suggests.

"Hank, I'm not leaving, I'm staying right here with Jay until he wakes up. I'm gonna hold his hand while they extubate him and when he wakes I'm gonna be the first to see his gorgeous baby blue eyes", Erin tells him.

"OK, I'm not gonna push, I'll be back later with a change of clothes for you, is there anything specific you want me to bring?" Hank asks with love.

"Um, just some leggings, a shirt and one of Jay's hoodies", Erin asks anxiously, she knows it sounds silly asks for one of Jay's hoodies but they always seem to comfort her.

"I'm not judging you kid, I know why you need it, we'll talk later, OK", he says kissing her head and leaving. Erin goes back to the room and sees Jay, he is still pale and with the vent but he doesn't have a tube sicking out of his chest anymore. She sits down again in her chair.

"Hey Linds, the chest tubes all gone and the whole stitched up, it shouldn't leave to much of a scar", Will tells her with a small smile.

"He has so many little scars and I don't know what there from, but he just takes them in his stride. They are a part of who he is and I don't really mention them. When he's ready he tells me parts of what they are from. I just listen because i know what it's like to have scars I have a few of my own", Erin admits subconsciously.

"It's good that he trusts you enough to tell you about them, even if he does take his time with it, do you trust him enough to share your stories with him?" Will asks gently.

"I do trust him, I trust Jay with my life everyday at work and when I first started to trust him with my heart, I wasn't really ready, but we have this kind of unspoken rule that when one of us is comfortable sharing something from our pasts, the other can do the same or not but we don't force it. Jay has always known that I haven't had the best up bringing or easy life and I'm completely guilty of assuming that he had a normal up bringing".

"We really didn't have any kind of normal childhood", Will admits sombrely.

"Yeah, I gradually learned that eventually, the saying is true never judge a book by it's cover, I did that and it so wrong of me. But I have really learned a lot about Jay, since we started dating, we've been more open with each other and I've really been trying to let him. I did tell him that I've never really had a normal Christmas", Erin tells him quietly.

"Jay might have mentioned something about that to me", Will admits and they fall into a comfortable silence.

The rest of the day is spend in that same silence.

 _So we'll see if Jay gets off the ventilator in the next chapter and also where the conversation between Erin and Will goes!_


End file.
